Corina, Diagnosed as 32-Year-Old Newlywed

Corina's story has many similarities with mine -- of course, I've done a lot of "cancer" time during the past 9 years, having been through a mastectomy, chemotherapy, radiation, reconstructive surgery, Stage IV recurrence, and ongoing treatments. I suppose I can relate in some way to LOTS of other breast cancer survivors!

We were both 32 years old at diagnosis. We both had a positive attitude and supportive family, which played a big part in our journeys. And I, too, had a baby after cancer treatment -- my baby boy is now 7 years old and is a total sweetheart.

I just celebrated my 8 year wedding anniversary and not only does it signify another year with the love of my life it signifies my life and being here to celebrate.
8 years ago I thought that life couldn't be better. I had just gotten married and was excited to start my life as a wife and mother. My husband had three teenage children and I loved being a step mom but I couldn't wait to have babies of my own. Three weeks after we were married my husband found a lump in my breast. My choice was to just ignore it. I was terrified, knowing deep inside that it wasn't good. I remember that night I didn't sleep much at all. I prayed and prayed that it would just go away and then I would wake up and feel it still there and pray some more just hoping that God would just take it away. 2 days later my husband drug me to the doctor and a day later I had it removed. I will never forget the day that the phone rang with the news... Cancer .. How could this happen to me? I was only 32 and had no family history of cancer. Why me? Why me? Then it just hit me ... why not me? Thousands of people are diagnosed with cancer every day, why do I think I am any better than they are? No one deserves cancer. I remember that I was standing in my closet finding something to wear and I decided that I could do this one of two ways. I could cry and feel sorry for myself or I could smile and be positive. I had to go through it no matter what and it was going to be miserable enough, so I put on a smile, got dressed and faced it with a positive attitude.
I had an amazing doctor and I put all my trust in him. Some people like to do research and find out every detail about their cancer and be involved in every decision about their treatment. I tried this way and it was so overwhelming to me. I would start to think and then panic and this really effected my positive attitude so I decided that I would leave it in my doctors hands. I listened and asked questions and did what I was told and I took it one treatment or surgery at a time. I never looked ahead any further than the next doctors visit. This kept me sane then and still does today.
The worst part for me was the thought of losing my hair. I could do the surgery, I could do the chemo and radiation, I could be sick, but not bald. I ordered a wig before I even started treatments and dreaded the day when it happened. I decided once again that I needed to be positive and joked with everyone that I was starting a bald club and needed members. This really upset my sister, that I could joke about it. I just told her "hey its going to happen, I better be prepared". I started tugging at my hair about a week after my first chemo and the day that it came out when I tugged was so hard. I always had long beautiful hair that I truly loved. I held this chunk of hair and cried most of the day. I allowed myself to grieve and cry and then I made a plan. Every Labor Day weekend my family has a huge camp out with all my cousins, aunts and uncles. I called my mom and told her to pack her clippers, we were having a head shaving party. If I did it with all my family there and we made it special then it would be less traumatic for me. I gathered everyone together and we formed a half circle around "the chair". I stood to take my place in the chair and tears streamed down my face as I saw my husband already sitting there. I held his hand and cried as my mother shaved his head and then I took my turn. To my surprise my dad was next, then my stepsons and brothers, uncles and cousins. Every time someone got up from "the chair" there was someone waiting for their turn. There were 15 of us that day that joined the bald club. It made a terrible day special, a day I will always treasure. We used a lot of sunscreen that weekend and I am sure the other campers were a little worried about all the strange bald people at the lake. Bald wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I used less shampoo and could finally get ready faster than my husband. I never did wear the wig. I was proud to be bald. I didn't want peoples sympathy, I wanted others to be aware of cancer and see that it isn't a death sentence. I wanted to everyone to see that I was living in spite of having cancer and most of all I wanted people to have hope. If they saw me bald and proud then they would know that there is hope. I am proof of that.
On my first meeting with my doctor there were 2 things he said that I will never forget. First he told me that even though he is the doctor, if there were something that he was doing that didn't feel right to me, then we would do something different and second, that I would probably never be able to have children. That was by far worse than anything. I love children and wanted several of my own. I was so angry that day. Nothing could prepare me for that news. My faith in God gave me comfort and I took it one day at a time. I finished chemo and radiation and started on Tamoxifan. I had such a bad feeling about taking this drug, it never felt right to me. One day I told my doctor that I was quitting Tamoxifan and was going to try to get pregnant. This was only 6 months after chemo and he told me that he thought that I needed to wait at least 2 years but that he would respect my decision. He said I needed to wait 6 weeks after I stopped the drug to try to get pregnant. I decided that I would give it 6 months, if I didn't get pregnant then I would go back on the medication and forget about having a baby. I was 32 and my husband was 38, with 3 teenagers, it was starting over for him and we just didn't see us starting a family if we waited 5 years (if I were even able by then) I think it was 6 weeks to the day that I stopped taking my medication that I got pregnant. I didn't think about the possibilities and dangers, I just enjoyed being pregnant. After the birth of my healthy son, I had a full hysterectomy to stop all those crazy hormones that fed my cancer. I never did feel good about taking Tamoxifan, so I took Arimidex for 5 years. I celebrated the day I got to stop. It felt so good to reach that milestone. I have been cancer free for 8 years now. I still panic if I actually stop and think about all the possibilities. I can't allow myself to worry. I have no control over whether or not the cancer will return, if it does then I will deal with it. Life is too short to worry about it. Life is too precious to worry about it. I take it one day at a time.
Cancer gave me a strength I never knew I had. It made me a better person. If trials don't make us stronger and better then the trials win. Cancer will not win, it will not beat me, even if one day it takes my life .... it will never take the person that I am.