Toni's Inspiring Story of Faith & Survival

Toni, a fellow MD Anderson patient, has gained a lot of wisdom through her cancer experience and years. She has a strong faith in God and has learned to put her trust in Him. Her story is sure to inspire any of you going through a diagnosis or treatment of breast cancer.

My survival story

My name is Toni and I am a SURVIVOR! My story is probably not unique or different than many others but hopefully it will help someone else get through the process of treating the way that other survivors have helped me. Just prior to finding my lump, I had had a new premature grandbaby that I was helping raise, she was so small and fragile when she was born that I made lots of "deals" with God during her stay in the hospital. I was busy working full time in my private practice as an attorney, adjusting to being a Grandma and doing what I could to help my daughter get on her feet.

Soon after that my other daughter had a seizure in my presence and it was determined that she had a cyst in her brain. The cyst was causing her seizures and was in a place where it was not operable. Again, I began bargaining with God. "Please God, she is just starting her life and has so much living left to do, please take this away from her and give it to me, What ever you ask of me or give to me I will gladly bear it, just don't let this affect her life."

Soon after that I found my lump, and instinctively knew this was going to be my test. It was time to pay the piper so to speak. And as I expected it was cancer. I was facing the biggest fear of my life. I was always so afraid of getting cancer especially breast cancer. Suddenly, I was faced with the possibilities of losing everything that made me feminine and womanly, my breasts and my hair. Yeah, I know the hair grows back but . . . in the meantime, you still have to go around bald. And OK I did not want to go through treatment and whine around and look like a big baby. How was I going to handle cancer. Would I be able to handle it with dignity and grace or would I be a whiner??? And, there was the deal I had made with God about "gladly bearing" whatever he wanted to toss at me. Could I hold up my end of the bargain? How in the heck could I be glad about cancer. Ok God, I know I said I would gladly bear it but really do I have to be glad? Oh ,by the way, I did put one condition on God, He had to talk me through it. I had to have clear cut messages from him that he was with me holding me in his arms every step of the way.

Thus began my journey down the rocky path of breast cancer. My biggest concern throughout treatment was how it would affect my family, particularly my father because his health was not the greatest, and I knew my kids were scared too. In more ways than one my concern over the effects my health was having on my family made me stronger, or appear so anyway. I guess it was a "fake it until you make it" situation. The more I pretended that life was normal the less likely I was to let the cancer take control of my life. I was determined throughout to not let cancer run or ruin my life. I continued to get dressed every day and go to work. Often times I would have to make a pallet and rest on the floor but I made it to work. My colleagues were tremendous, offering to cover for me when I had to attend doctors appointments or just did not feel well enough to go to court. Oh, and the messages from God? Got them Loud and strong. Regularly. So much so that I could not possibly tell them all here.

Being an attorney and accustomed to research, I started out researching and reading everything I could about breast cancer , treatment options and of course mastectomies and reconstruction. I found the information out there to be somewhat frightening. The pictures I saw made me cringe. OH God am I really gonna look like that??? I soon decided that I would go against my nature and quit researching anything but where and how I wanted to approach treatment. I wanted thing to be different for me. Fortunately, I was directed to MD Anderson in Houston and found not only a wonderful hospital and very qualified doctors and staff, but what I found there which was more important than all the medicine in the world was the air of hope! The people there all the way from the valet parking attendants to the doctors and surgeons are so upbeat and positive, you cannot help but catch the spirit! That infectious attitude kept me going and in turn kept my family reassured that I would be OK. Additionally, at a teaching hospital you have an opportunity to participate in test study groups and I was encouraged in my own treatment by knowing that I would in some way help my daughters and granddaughter and the women who came after me even if it was a failure, the test study results would help others who came after me. I took great pride in participating in those groups. As silly as it sounds I wanted so much for the study to be a great success I almost willed myself to get better. The results were positive! My study was a combination of chemotherapy drugs which had not been used to treat breast cancer before. The treatment was done prior to surgery to see the effects on the tumor. In 12 weeks my 2 1/2 cm tumor reduced in size to .7 cm. After another 12 weeks of traditional chemo the tumor reduced to such a minuscule amount that the surgeon had to place a marker at the tumor site to be able to find it to remove it. I chose a segmental mastectomy instead of a radical because of the success of the medication. This did require additional treatment in the form of radiation but I felt it was a small price to pay under the circumstances.

I had a friend that just prior to my diagnosis was training and raising money for the Susan G. Komen 3-day walk and I told her she had a renewed purpose because she was walking for me. I was even able to go down for closing ceremonies which was ironically exactly the half way mark in my treatment. Seeing all the survivors walking in the walk arm in arm with their shoes held proudly overhead made me realize that I was truly not alone and that there was life after cancer treatment. In my chemo induced fog, I just marveled at how "normal" these women looked! I vowed at that moment that I would walk in the next three day walk and began training while I was still treating. Not much but I began walking and doing some Yoga.

I think that the theme throughout my story is that even though you are feeling like crap, it is your current reality and you should not quit living with purpose just because you are treating for cancer. Live with a purpose! Get well! and Blaze a trail for others coming after you.

Today, I have a happy healthy two year old granddaughter who is the light of my life. My daughter who was diagnose with the cyst has graduated from college and is now moving on to work in her field, and I am happy and healthy and continuing on with my life.

Strange as it sounds, Cancer has a certain strange beauty about it. Not the cancer itself but the experience you gain during treatment. While I would never want to go through it again, I felt truly blessed through the experience. I met survivors down my path that shared their stories of survival with me, sisters that truly understood what I was going through. I was blessed to add many friends to my life. And I gained a knowledge of my strength that I never would have known had I not had the experience. So, for anyone reading this that is currently treating I would say, Don't look back, don't look ahead, just be in the moment and get through it the best way you can and take comfort in the knowledge that you are not alone. Your sisters have paved the way for you and are here to hold your hand and comfort you along your journey.

Much love and good health,
Toni C.

Yolanda P., 8-Year Survivor after Double Mastectomy

Yolanda,

Thanks for sharing your story. So glad to hear that you are still cancer-free.

I, too, was astonished to find out just how many friends I had when I was first diagnosed with cancer. It was simply amazing how everyone at the hospital where I worked came together to take care of me and my family. We are blessed!

Even though you recovered nicely from your surgery, I am dismayed to hear of your "drive-through" mastectomy. In the past several years there have attempts by some lawmakers to pass a law that would prevent insurance companies from sending mastectomy patients home in less than 48 hours after surgery. This bill, called the Breast Cancer Patient Protection Act, unfortunately has yet to be approved by Congress. Read more about it here.

Kim

The week before Christmas in 2001 I was sure I was too busy to have my mammogram done. After all, Christmas was a week away and I needed all the extra time I could squeeze into my hectic schedule. Something from within told me that I could not skip a year because I had the procedure each year. I made the appointment and went on my lunch hour. Nothing had changed, chance into a gown and get positioned in the machine, hold your breath and snap. Nothing to it! I never gave it a second thought.

It just happened I took time off from my job during Christmas through New Year's. The week after Christmas I got a letter that I was sure was the survey form to see how I rated the mammogram experience and almost tossed it into the trash. Then...I remembered that I had the test and it might be something I needed to read. Boy did I need to read! The letter said I was scheduled for a diagnostic mammogram that week. Diagnostic, hum, I thought that was something mechanics did to find problems with cars and trucks.

The day I went for the diagnostic mammogram my husband went with me. We waited and waited till they finally called my name. I walked into a small room that had film from my first mammogram up on every lighted wall and I knew I was in trouble. The radiologist was there and suggested I have a biopsy. A BIOPSY! Then I knew for sure it was serious. I scheduled the appointment at the clinic for the next week.

After returning home that day I realized I didn't want to do a biopsy before seeing a breast specialist. They were able to get me in immediately which was wonderful. My new oncology breast specialist said she thought we needed to do a core biopsy. My doctor said the spot was small but didn't look right. I was able to have the test done the next day. I didn't have time to be scared or upset because everything seemed to be going so fast. My doctor called me after the test and said "it is cancer." She said it was little but nasty, stage III. I called my best friends at work and asked them to please talk about it before I got back and that I would be fine. I got back in my office and everyone from the entire building came one by one to my office and offered words of encouragement and prayers. They were all obviously upset but I told them that it would be all right...God would see me through.

Then the hard part...telling my family and family friends. I immediately drove to my husband's office and told him the news. He did not seem surprised just as I had not seemed surprised. I will never forget the look on his face. The look of not being able to take care of the situation himself. We left his office and drove to see our daughter. She was excited with her Christmas tree and all the decorations in her lovely home. She was walking over to sit down in a chair and stopped dead still turned around and said "This is about the tests." I assured her that I was going to be fine and it was okay to be upset, get over it, and lets get on with getting the cancer out and off my body.

My mind kept going back to treatment options...what are treatment options!?

My husband, daughter and I arrived at the office at 4:30 p.m. and left at 7:30 p.m. Every question was answered before we could asked. My doctor was beyond belief. She took her time and explained the different types of breast cancer and different treatment options available for each type of cancer.

About half way through the meeting I had the "answer" of double mastectomy. What was I going to tell my friends, the men at my office, what were they going to say. The next morning when I got to work the first person I met in the hall was a man who was a good friend. He asked me "Surgery" and I said yes. "Little surgery" and I said no big surgery. He cried. The next person I met that morning was another man I had worked with for many years and he asked the outcome of my meeting with the doctor. I told her and he cried. I knew then that I had the support of the people I worked with.

On February 3, 2002 at 1:00 p.m. I was in surgery. The surgery was four and one half hours. I had very large breasts and it just took a long time to do it right. I was in recovery for about thirty minutes and then taken to a room for the night. My dear husband stayed with me. By midnight I was up and he was walking the halls with me and making me drink lots of fluids. By 9:00 a.m. on February 4 I was at home. I was fast to give God the honor, glory and praise for all that had taken place. He never left me, He was with me all the way.

I didn't have pain instead I was sore, found it difficult to find a comfortable to get in bed and nerves that were cut were twitching. I had drain tubes which were not comfortable but I learned to deal with them. I had to depend on my wonderful husband for help washing my hair and dressing but he did an excellent job! Also my sister came and stayed with me for a week. It gave us a time to sip tea and visit, read our Bibles and pray.

Never do I want anyone to go through cancer. It is not fun nor easy. However, by going through it I am a different person. A much better person. I take my time at living my life. I don't take people for granted, I tell them I love them and how much they mean to me. God has truly blessed.

I went back to work two weeks after surgery and my Friends at work were more than willing to help me and they were sure that I did not pick up anything heavy.

I kept a bag with cards in it from friends. I counted the cards before I went back to work and I had 364 cards and letters. I didn't know that I knew that many people! From time to time I still get them out and read them.

God has blessed me with a cancer ministry. I hear of someone with cancer I get on the phone and encourage them. I send them cards every other week. I pray with them on the phone and I pray for them daily. My cancer friends are true friends. We are joined by a terrible disease but we will not give in or stop helping others. The relationships are closer than close.

I retired two years ago because of other health issues and I am still cancer free, Praise the Lord for healing me.

I know that I could have cancer again at any time. For right now I take one day at a time and do not think about what if the cancer comes back, instead I think of ways to help others make it to the healing side.

Thank you for reading my story.

Thank you,
Yolanda P.


ADDENDUM from Yolanda:
I never thought anyone would read my story!

Thank you for reading my story. I understand how overwhelming it was for you when friends started to offer their help because I felt the same way. I pray you are still cancer free.

I have written my Legislators regarding the drive through mastectomies that are done each day. It is hard enough to deal with cancer but to be sent home with drain tubes, pain and mentally wiped out.

I didn't tell you in my story that I have a cancer ministry, and I call it "Celebrate Life." I have about 100 people in my cancer friend book at all times. Those with breast cancer I send a package with fun pink things...things that might give them a smile. The other cancer patients I use the cancer by color to send them things I can come up with. God has truly blessed me. I check our your site to see what is on sale but I do this ministry by myself so I cannot afford all the things I would love to send to each breast cancer patient.