New Plan ... Renewed Hope!

Interestingly, I came upon a Bible verse that is so fitting to my current struggles, it's uncanny ... but NOT coincidental!  Actually it's more like a prayer.  Isaiah 35:3 says "Strengthen the feeble hands, steady the knees that give way;"  Yes Lord!

My visit with Dr. P this week went well.  I was sort of dreading it, because I anticipated having to be firm regarding my decision to discontinue the Eribulin.  That's a lot of weight for this cancer patient to carry:  stopping chemo that my oncologist deemed was (partially) effective on my cancer.  Fortunately, I didn't have to do it!  Dr. P came in to the exam room and said she really thought I needed to get off of Eribulin since the neuropathy it has caused is interfering so much with my activities of daily living.  She went on to say that all of the remaining chemotherapy drugs available to me were just as likely or more likely to cause peripheral neuropathy.  So, she recommended that I see Dr. M at the MD Anderson main campus downtown to discuss clinical trial options.  She had already spoken to her about me, and an appointment was already scheduled! Why did I ever doubt my medical team at the world's best cancer treatment center??  Or rather, why did I ever doubt that my God HAS this??

Although I'm nervous about the clinical trial ... what kind of drug will it be, what will the schedule be like, what side effects will I experience, etc.... I have renewed hope that perhaps it will work on the cancer!  I've had pleural effusions in the past that have completely resolved after a medication/chemo change.  If that is what God has in mind, He certainly has the power to make it happen!

As luck would have it, my appointment with Dr. M was scheduled during the one week of Summer that we have a vacation planned.  A modest, one-bedroom vacation rental cabin in the Texas Hill Country while all three kids are at camp.  Just me & Danny!  I've grudgingly accepted the fact that our vacations can no longer be of the active type that I've grown so accustomed to.  There won't be any hiking or biking, that's for sure!  BUT what it can be is a relaxing time "away from it all" in the company of my favorite man!  A much needed respite from cancer treatments, tests, scans, needlesticks and doctor visits.  Woohoo!

The controlling side of me was at first upset that the appointment couldn't be moved up to THIS week, and that the next available was all the way to Thursday of the following week.  A quick calculation after consulting my extremely thorough and meticulously accurate "Cancer Treatment" note on my iPhone told me that by the time I see Dr. M, I will have received NO cancer treatment for 4 weeks!  (cue alarm sounds and lights flashing and a woman's recorded voice stating "Too long!  Too long!  Too long!)  But then I remembered that I am in the hands of my savior and that maybe, just maybe, He wants me to have a nice relaxing vacation and spend some quality time with my husband!

As I mentioned in my previous post, I am SO THANKFUL that Danny is no longer working at the accounting firm.  Yes, we needed the extra money, but having him here (at home and at The Pink Ribbon Shop) is so worth it.  With all of my cancer-related issues, I appreciate him having the ability to accompany me to my treatments and doctor visits.  Since the position he had was through a temporary employment agency, he simply completed his temp contract and called it a day.

I am also thankful that it's Summer.  The kids do have activities, but without the added stress and full days of school, it's all a lot more laid back and enjoyable.  One of the things I'm currently enjoying, despite my multitude of neuropathy symptoms, is learning to "sign" songs for our church.  My daughter Christa has been interested in sign language for many years, having first taken a few "sign language dance" classes, then signing in church under the tutelage of another beautiful young woman, and most recently taking two ASL courses in high school as her foreign language requirements.  Tragically, that young woman who began the sign language ministry at our church took her own life last Summer.  This was devastating to our congregation, as you can imagine.  In honor of Anne, Christa decided to carry on her "Hands Held High" ministry.

Hands Held High appealed to me because firstly, it was always so beautiful and powerful when Anne did it.  Then when Christa joined her it was exceptionally so (proud mom talking)!  Secondly, I thought "I'd like to try that."  Since it was clear that I wouldn't be taking any more dance classes or running any more half marathons, I thought this was something I COULD do.  It was Easter of 2013 when I signed for the first time to Big Daddy Weave's "Redeemed."  It was an amazing experience, and I am grateful for that time of getting to know Anne's beautiful heart before her passing.

Anyhoo, what I am really enjoying about signing this Summer is getting to spend some one on one time with Christa.  I still suffer from chemobrain (at least that's what I blame it on) and so I require a LOT of practice and instruction.  So glad I live in the same house as the teacher!  She is an awesome, dedicated, leader, and she is so beautiful to watch ... full of emotion.  Sometimes it's just me & her signing and the praise team & band singing/playing, but interest is growing and this next time (8/3) there will be 5 of us signing, including her sister!  Bethany has agreed to take on a very small part, the introduction to the song, before stepping away and taking her usual place on the drums (where, I might add, she also displays exceptional talent!).  We will be signing to "The Well" by Casting Crowns.  If you're not familiar with that song, well, look it up.  It has amazing lyrics and hopefully we will be able to do those lyrics justice and bring them even more to life, help the words reach people's hearts, with sign.  Exciting!

I always seem to have a really low point in my attitude after receiving bad scan news.  This is normal!  But thankfully, through prayer and the help (and sometimes merely the presence) of family, I eventually find my way to hopefulness or at the least, peace.

"Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."  Matthew 11:28.


P.S.  Yes, I've enlarged the font.  Guess my eyes are getting old.