First, the good news, or shall I say GREAT news! I've been on Taxotere for about 3 months now and my scans are looking good! Lesions previously seen in my liver have all decreased in sie, and there is NO pleural effusion noted. Wowwww! The bones and lungs are reported as "stable" which is not NED (no evidence of disease) but pretty happy news nonetheless on the stage IV cancer front. Additionally, my tumor marker (CA 15-3) is down to 35 from a previous high of 51 ("normal" range is 1-25, but a decrease is still a decrease, let's be honest.) I really, really needed this news! Of course, you say, who wouldn't want to receive this kinda news? Right! But you see, I've found Taxotere to be a horrible, nasty drug and without seeing some sort of positive results, I was considering getting off of it.
I was put on a every-3-week regimen. It didn't take me long to come to the conclusion that I absolutely hated the drug. It affected what felt like every part of my body and it really brought me down, leaving me emotionally and physically drained and unhappy. Digestive issues such as nausea, vomiting, diarrhea and constipation; deep, intense bone and joint pain; weakness and exhaustion. I've already covered the issue with my sense of taste being altered. At some point this worsened to the sense of taste completely leaving me, oh and my tongue feeling numb and tingly, as a result of oral candiadiasis (thrush.) What fun! My eyes watered excessively and my eyelids were itchy, irritated and peeling. I was hoping/expecting that I would no longer have the "Carbo-Glow," a purply-red face rash that developed a day or so after each infusion, however, the Taxotere also caused the same reaction! It's a little uncomfortable ... an intense heating of the cheeks that kinda sorta makes you cold as a sunburn would, but it's more of an embarrassing appearance issue than a physical problem. Taxo-Glow. Yay. But hey at least I'm not tender to the touch all over along with the redness. There's that.
I've put off writing because it's so depressing what comes out of me if I try to blog when I'm deep in the throes of chemo misery (case in point, see my last post.) So what you're getting here is an abbreviated version (you're welcome! Thank you, Kim, for small favors, right?) The side effects I've listed were collectively short-lived, not all simultaneous and of varying durations. Some started the day of the infusion and all were improved by about day 10 of the 21-day cycle. Additionally, they seemed to get worse with each successive infusion -- the recovery came more quickly after the first infusion than the next two, taking a full 10 days after the third infusion. However, I can't stress enough how intense this period of time was, and just how low it brought my psyche. Time slowed to a crawl and the week to 10 days of hell seemed to take forever to crawl out of. I was ready to give it up! I was thinking this just isn't living, and I don't want to take it anymore.
I feel the need to explain further, lest you think that I'm just a wimp. Plenty of people get through chemo, even worse ones than Taxotere. I know this. But with stage IV (metastatic) cancer, you have the added factor that there is no end date. There is no magical number of infusions when you'll be done with treatment and can go back to your life. I'm definitely not downplaying this, the most common and generally well-known cancer treatment path. I'm aware that every cancer treatment is life-changing. No one comes out of their cancer journey unscathed. However, the permanent nature of one's stage IV cancer treatment gives us "metasurvivors" (I personally hate that term, but it's a thing) a unique perspective that is difficult for others to completely comprehend. I don't wish true comprehension of this on anyone, for it requires that you experience it firsthand!
I'm also starting to think that the longer I'm in treatment, the less tolerant I get of the side effects. Perhaps it's a psychological issue. Most likely, yes! It just wears you out, ya know? Super survivor chicks like to say "Cancer doesn't define me!" and other such statements. And Ok, sure, it doesn't define me, but doggone it, it sure has taken over so many aspects of my life! It's exhausting. And after years and years of treatment, it gets old. Really old. I'm sure anyone with a chronic illness can relate to this. Everyone has at least one thing in life they are dealing with ... maybe even issues that are not visible/obvious to others. (no longer my case, because alas, I'm bald again, since about day 10 on Taxotere.)
I'm going to call it a day on this blog post. I will say that the scan results and decrease in tumor marker has given me the strength and resolve to continue on Taxotere, despite the fact that it's of the devil! Well, that, and I'm now on an altered regimen that actually is more tolerable. Details later.
Goodnight y'all!
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