Enjoying food again! Anxiously awaiting next scans.

Well, I made it through another cancer-induced PIT!  I feel somewhat silly for the extreme feelings of doom-and-gloom I get when I experience a traumatic event involving effects of the cancer or side effects of its treatment.  It's easy to say that now that all of my mouth sores have healed (actually I still have one lingering sore on my tongue) and I am able to eat real food.  But when I'm IN the moment, it's bad.  It was a very trying time, for me and my whole family.

I wasn't able to eat, even soft foods, so my diet consisted of a liquid diet that included Boost and Boost (original and high-protein.)  I had to medicate myself before I could even drink.  I lost nearly 15 pounds, and let me tell you, I do NOT recommend this cancer diet.  Most women I know would say that they'd like to lose a few pounds, myself included, but this has surely been the most unhealthy weight loss I've ever had.  In what seems like a very short time, I've lost a large amount of muscle and fatty tissue, which has completely changed my figure.  I have no butt!  It's totally flat and I can't keep my pants from falling off, even the smaller-sized pants that I had to dig out of the shadows of my closet, because there is nothing to help hold them up.  I've never been really big in that area, but have always had at least a little shape.  No longer.

I'm concerned that I have cachexia, a wasting type of syndrome commonly seen in cancer patients.  We've all seen someone with this.  Their pants just droop off their butts, they are very thin and have little or no muscle mass.  The body gets in the mode of breaking down tissue as opposed to building up and rebuilding.  One of the bad things about this is that it can, once it gets set in motion, actually continue to occur, despite a return to adequate caloric and nutritional intake.  This can eventually, directly or indirectly, lead to death.  In my case I can see how it would  it would hinder my body's ability to successfully deal with toxins (such as chemotherapy) and fight/heal side effects (such as mouth sores.)  Scary!!!

I, however, am doing my part by eating ... a lot!  Well as much as I am able -- I physically cannot eat as much at a time as I used to.  Two plus weeks of little or no real food, then a diet limited to soft bland foods and lemon-less iced tea has driven this spicy-&-flavorful-food-loving Louisiana girl to her sad, sad breaking point!  I'm thoroughly enjoy eating and have even gained a couple of pounds.  In light of the past few weeks, this is a good thing.  I don't believe I have ever in my life been happy about gaining a couple of pounds!

Soooo .... the plan, while I was deep in the throes of severe mucositis, was that I would stop Afinitor (the culprit!  grrr!) for 2 weeks while the sores healed.  Two weeks fell on a Saturday, and I had a follow-up appointment with Dr. C on the following Thursday.  I took it upon myself to wait to restart until I discussed the options with Dr. C.  It's been 3 months since my last scans, and in Dr. Kim's opinion, the scans needed to be looked at before I got back on Afinitor for a week or two after only being on it for a week in the first place.  This was presented as an option by Dr. C, and I agreed.  I'm scheduled for a CT of the chest, abdomen and pelvis, and a bone scan 4 days from today.  Results will determine where we go from here, treatment-wise.  Praying for tumor and pleural effusion shrinkage ... or at least stability!  This would indicate that the 2 drugs (of the 3 prescribed at time of last treatment change) that I have remained on may be working even without the Afinitor.  This would be great news for me!  BUT, I am willing to give Afinitor another shot, despite the mouth sores.  It would be at a reduced dose, so that may help.  A lot to think about!  A lot to worry and stress about!  Trying to leave it all in God's hands ... I know he's got me, but this is not easy.