Day 7: Brought to you by the letter C

Hey there!  Day 7 of my breast cancer awareness month selfie project is brought to you by the letter C.  Chemo, Christa, and Carrabba's!

Earlier today I was sitting in a recliner at MD Anderson's St. Luke's location-- getting my life-giving chemotherapy infusion of Carbo-Gem (Carboplatin & Gemcitabine, plus three pre-meds). Thankful to have Christa with me today! She only has classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so she's mostly available to accompany me to my appointments.  The last "C" is Carrabba's, my favorite Italian restaurant.  The bread, the oil & spices, the salad, the chicken marsala ... Mmmmm!  I almost always go out to lunch on my chemo days if I'm feeling up to it.  Just because I deserve it!  Had a nice day with my sweet girl.  Lotsa laughs and silliness.

 

I was pleased with this picture of us.  However, I am just noticing that I appear to be wearing a white lab coat.  I assure you, I am not!  It's actually a really cute, off-white denim jacket with very subtle, tone-on-tone polka dots.  Incidentally, I've been out of the medical profession for quite some time and have permanently crossed over to the receiving end of nursing and medical care.  At least my crystal pink ribbon pin is nice and visible though.  Like it?  http://www.pinkribbonshop.com/pink-ribbon-crystal-pin-with-dark-rose-crystals.aspx.

 

Thanks for reading!  And goodnight.

Selfie Project, Day 6 ... I hate you, selfie stick!

My pink ribbon selfie project is going strong!  However, the selfie stick is NOT my friend!  Evidently I'm a real spaz.  I'm not going to say how many shots I had to take before I settled on this one (cough, cough ..8..cough), taken on The Pink Ribbon Shop's Porter, Texas campus.  Okay, I know ... it's just one acre, but true to country living, this one acre has three separate buildings on it, four if you count a little storage shed.  And the well shed would make five. And you know you're in the country when you're also storing your brother-in-law's storage trailer and boat on the property!  So, campus it is!  In seriousness, though, we refer to it all as simply "the shop."  I'm going to the shop. You goin' to the shop?  I'll be at the shop late tonight.  You get the idea!

Anyway I've digressed off my selfie stick soapbox.  How do the teenagers do it so effortlessly??  It's so heavy when it's fully extended out. Hard on the wrist, then you have to press the button while keeping it steady. I'm weak ... weak I tell ya!

I know what you're thinking. Where's your pink ribbon, Kim?  You said you would wear a different pink ribbon item every day in October.  No worries, people, they're there!  On the ears. Which leads me to my next epic selfie FAIL!  I really did try to get a close-up of the earrings. Really I did (even more than 8 times.)  Have you ever tried taking a picture of your own earrings while they're in your ears?  I got my cheek, my neck, my hair, and a handful of fuzzy, out-of-focus and off-center earring shots. And to be honest, what I saw, even through the fuzziness, was skin that was way too wrinkly and old looking to be seen that close-up, by the public. I'm not using photoshop or any filters, so the raw results have forced me to abandon the in-the-ear earring pic. You're just going to have to trust me that I'm wearing them. Petite little crystal ribbons:  3/8-inch of breast cancer awareness cuteness.  If you must have a look, here's a link:  http://www.pinkribbonshop.com/pink-ribbon-crystal-mini-earrings-light-pink.aspx.

All of this selfie drama transpired before I left this morning for MD Anderson. Today I had labs done and saw my nurse.  Labs are great, so I'm good to go for chemo tomorrow.  I knew they would be, considering how super I'm feeling.  Just lllllloving this every-3-week chemo schedule.  Normally I have labs, doc visit, and chemo all done on the same day, but they weren't able to work it all out on the schedule. Wish I didn't have to go!  I don't wanna!  I don't wanna!

 

This evening was my baby's football game (he's a teenager now, sniff, sniff.)  Go Colts!  He wore his pink socks, wristbands and gloves for his momma!  So of course I wanted a picture with him after the game.  He was, let's say, "resistant" to the idea of taking a picture with his mother on the sideline.  But he eventually (involuntarily) relented.  Sweet boy.  Hey at least he smiled!  A bonus pic for today!

 

 

Day 5's Change of Plans Selfie

DAY 5!!!  I was totally planning today's selfie to show you guys what a crazy busy place our warehouse is these days.   Pink ribbon items piled up and laid out on our big order-processing table, stacks of orders waiting to be filled, boxed-up orders piled high and ready to ship out, and Danny and our worker bees all abuzz making all of this happen in an efficient, timely and accurate manner.  But then this happened ...

 

 

It was just so gorgeous OUTSIDE that I decided THIS was wayyyy more picturesque than inside the warehouse.  So here it is, the front corner of the exterior of our warehouse!  Oh, and me, wearing one our newest breast cancer awareness t-shirts.

Actually, the small ribbon "Promote Breast Cancer Awareness" tee is one of The Pink Ribbon Shop's earliest shirt designs, dating way back to around 2001.  Our second ever pinkribbonshop.com design!  It's still one of my favorites, perhaps because of sentimental reasons.  So, we decided to bring it back and give it new life on a black t-shirt in a ladies' fit.  Hope you like it, too!

Day 4 of October's Selfie Project

Don't know about where you are, but here in Kingwood, Texas the weather is be-You-tiful!!  Sixty-five degrees and sunny, y'all!  Today's wear-something-pink-ribbon-every-day-this-month item is a silky pink ribbon infinity scarf that I paired with my *new* bright pink blazer.  (*new* = first time wearing, even though it's been hanging in my closet for many months.)  Lotsa pink, I know!  Maybe too much, but ya only live once.

Tried the selfie stick after church, which was less embarrassing in front of my own home then out in public, but ultimately decided to go with this arm's length shot taken before I left for church this morning.  Love, love, love the garden (see background) left by the previous homeowners:  azaleas, duranta, verbena, golden thryallis, and I think, camellia.  Have all of my windows OPEN today to let the fresh air in.  :) 

After church, I got to thinking.  So many families, couples and singles in attendance.  I thought, what if everyone had turned to the lady beside them and reminded her to have her yearly mammogram?  It's breast cancer awareness month, after all.  Why didn't I think of it while I was still there!?  With all the pink going around this month, we have so many opportunities to start a conversation about what it's really about.  Let's starting taking them!  How 'bout you?  Are YOU up to date on your yearly mammogram and monthly breast self exams?  Who's nearby who you can ask?  Ready, set, go!  Just do it.

October Selfies, Day 3

It's Day 3 of my October selfie project, and I've already goofed.  Yesterday I blogged and posted to Facebook, except that I only posted to my personal Facebook page and not The Pink Ribbon Shop's.  Grrr!  I can do this!  I can!  I will.

Not only that, but the public selfie-taking that I'm doing is WAYYY beyond my comfort zone!  I'm a 40-something year old mom and g****ma, for crying out loud.  I am committed to the project, though, so I will press on.  Just didn't want to take a selfie every day in the front of my computer or the bathroom mirror.  How boring would that be?!  As I said in the beginning, my goal for the month is to wear a different pink ribbon t-shirt or other apparel item every day, plus provide a little insight into my everyday life.  So I'll try to make each selfie a reflection of my day, and not merely a pic just for the sake of the project.  Got it?

This weekend, Danny is still working on our soon-to-be-on-the-market home, and I didn't want to miss my daughter Bethany's high school band's marching contest today.  Feeling super BLESSED that this morning I was able to drive there, alone.  I impressed myself!  The ramps and steps at the stadium were a little tough on me, a reminder that I'm not fully back to the super woman (haha) that I used to be, but I did it and surely it made me stronger.  Am I right?
The KM4B had an awesome performance, considering it's early in marching season and this was their first contest this year.  So proud to be a Kingwood band mom!  Definitely needed my pink ribbon sunglasses on this gorgeous & sunny Day 3 of breast cancer awareness month.

 

See the teeny tiny ribbon on the lens?  So cute! These have been around for awhile, but I still love them (a) because of the teeny tiny pink ribbon, and (b) because of their timeless design.  Of course that's just my opinion and I'm certainly no fashionista (I'm basically a t-shirt & blue jeans kinda gal.)  I mean maybe their design is totally out of style and somebody out there is silently mocking my timeless design statement, buuuuuuut hey they are pink ribbon sunglasses and darnit I like 'em!  FYI:  Check out pinkribbonshop.com if you're interested in these or other pink ribbon items to support the breast cancer awareness cause this month or all year long.

Day 2 of my Pink Ribbon Selfie Project

Day 2 of my pink ribbon selfie project for breast cancer awareness month!  I was intending to only post these to Facebook.  However, because a VIP friend of mine is not on Facebook, but is a faithful follower of my blog, I will also post the pics here as well.  You know who you are!  Love ya!  :)

Here I am at the KHS football game.  Donning a pink ribbon baseball cap.  Friday night lights with the Kingwood Mustangs!  The KM4B drumline (snares) pinked out their sticks in honor of breast cancer awareness month.  I happen to be the #1 fan of a certain snare drummer girl.  Nobody said selfies had to be just myself, right?  Thanks guys!  And girls!  The pink sticks looked great and y'all rock.

I admit I felt a little foolish taking a selfie with the high schoolers.  I'm such an amateur!  I borrowed my daughter's selfie stick, which certainly added to the foolish factor.  When she uses it, you can't even tell in the pic.  I use it and my hands are all awkward, visibly holding the stick, and the picture is crooked.  Goofball.  Maybe by October's end my technique will improve?!

Good Times

Well hello there!  It's October 1st, the first day of breast cancer awareness month.  We'll be seeing lots of pink this month.  Let's keep it in perspective, shall we?  Fundraising efforts by individuals, teams, and companies small and large have led to millions of dollars being donated to breast cancer research.  Trickle that way, way down to little ol' me, and know that BECAUSE OF THESE EFFORTS, I AM STILL ALIVE TODAY!  And the same can be said for 100's of 1000's of women LIVING with stage IV breast cancer.  It matters.  You matter.  Whatever you have to contribute to the cause, you are making a difference!  Thank you!  (and keep it up!)

2015 marks my 15th year as a breast cancer survivor, and my 9th year as a stage IV (metastatic) breast cancer survivor.  9 years, people!!!  This past year, well really the last two years have been difficult.  If you're a regular follower here, you may know that there was a period of time when it was not looking good.  We were planning for the end of my earthly life.  Not exaggerating, just truth here.  However, since March I've been on combination chemotherapy of two different drugs.  Since then, I've been steadily improving, both subjectively in how I feel, and objectively in my scans, tumor markers, and other lab values.  My latest CT scans show a decrease in size of all tumors, or they are stable (no bigger, no smaller.)  There is very little fluid in my lung.  The bone metastases are stable.  The tumor markers CONTINUE to go down.  It's been amazing!!! 

One year ago today, I was having a thoracentesis to drain excess fluid that accumulated in my lung.  This turned out to be the first of two that I required, because the fluid re-accumulated.  My "tumor burden" (a name for the volume of cancer in and affecting the body) was so great, that I was having trouble breathing after any small effort or activity.  I was coughing constantly.  I was tired and slept a lot.  My heart rate was consistently (and for months) over 100 beats per minute at rest.  My heart was actually pushed to the right side of my chest by the expanding fluid in the left lung!  Bad times!!!  Bad, bad times.

Also, earlier this year, I required a blood transfusion.  My hemoglobin and hematocrit levels were critically low as a result of the chemotherapy agents' attack on my blood-producing bone marrow.  I was having shortness of breath any time I tried to get up and DO anything.  Interesting what missing a couple units of blood will make you feel like!  The improvement after receiving the blood was truly amazing.

The chemotherapy has been working phenomenally, but it's been complicated.  I was getting two drugs on Day 1, then one of those drugs on Day 8, then a week off.  My doctor tried several dose adjustments, but it just seemed that I was more often than not having to miss my Day 8 infusion because of low blood counts of some kind.  Low platelets, low H&H, low white blood cells, etc.  Eventually (just a few weeks ago) she altered the chemotherapy schedule by doing away with my Day 8 infusion altogether.  Now, I only have to go every three weeks!  Hopefully that gives my body enough time to rebuild so I can get regularly scheduled infusions and not be so hit or miss with treatments.

On a more personal note ... we have moved!  We found a house in a sweet location in a great neighborhood that is close to all the kids' schools.  Wish we had moved sooner!  Hate moving, but loving the new house.  The old house is still being "fixed up" and will hopefully be on the market in the next week or so.  Prayers please for a quick sale!

My graduate girl decided to stay home and attend a community college until she figures out what she wants to study.  Yayyy!  So happy to have her home with us.  It was the right decision, for lots of reasons.

We are busy at The Pink Ribbon Shop, and that is awesome but stressful on the family.  It took longer than we expected to find a house and move, thus putting the move right when school started and also right when we need to prepare our business for the busy season.  Tough times, but hey, at least I am leading a more normal life, healthwise, than I have in a long time.  So thankful for that.

More exciting news ... My oldest daughter and her husband have just adopted a baby girl.  This makes child number 5 in their household!  They are fostering, but it is looking like a pretty sure thing that they will adopt this little one with rather unfortunate birth/family circumstances.

Lastly, since it's been so long since my last blog entry, and since it's breast cancer awareness month, I decided to try something kinda fun.  You may get tired of seeing me!  I'm going to post a selfie to Facebook wearing a different pink ribbon shirt or apparel item every day.  Little glimpses of a month in the life of Kim.  Who's with me?!  Here's the first:
 

 

This is in front of our modest lil office in the country.  Still can't believe this is what I look like ... that this is the best I could do after several selfie attempts, but it is what it is!!  I do have some hair, and it's growing, but it's very thin.  And my forehead is huge, uggh.  The good thing is, I am UP 20+ pounds from my cancer low a few months back, so at least I have some chub in my cheeks, and color!  I'm sportin' my Saints t-shirt ... supporting my favorite home team and promoting the breast cancer awareness cause all at the same time.

 

Thanks for reading, y'all!

Moving Along

Since my last post was so loooooong, this one will be brief.  Promise!

Not much has changed, healthwise, in the past few weeks.  Which is a GREAT thing!  I continue to be up and around more and I'm feeling pretty good.  I've gained a total of 9 pounds back after my dying-of-cancer low of 106.  This is because I'm able to eat just about anything I want, and if you're a regular reader here, you know that I love to eat.  So now that I can, I do!  

I continue on the chemotherapy regimen of Carboplatin and Gemcitabine, and since we last spoke, I have not had any scheduled treatments withheld due to blood count or other issues.  This is also a GREAT thing, because you want to be able to keep getting your chemo drugs when they are doing a bang-up job on your cancer!

I want to take a moment to say THANK YOU to all of you who've taken the time to send notes of encouragement my way.  It means a lot to hear from you, faithful readers!

There are a number of things that we've been busy with lately. Both my teenage girls have part-time jobs now.  Only good can come from this, as they gain some worldly experience (outside of their pretty cush existence here in Kingwood, Texas) and also learn about the value of money.  Let's just say, It was time!

Christa will be going off to college in the Fall, and I was able to attend a parent orientation while she attended freshman orientation. Good times with my sweet girl, but long and tiring couple of days!

Such a pretty little campus she gets to enjoy in Huntsville, Texas.

Next, now that I am experiencing better health, however temporary it may be, we have decided to move to a more convenient location within our same town.  When I was gravely ill, it was very difficult to get the kids everywhere they needed to go.  We leaned on a LOT of people to help out, and we are much appreciative, but it would be great if we were within walking or biking distance.  The home-buying and home-selling process is a stressful one (not to even mention the act of moving!) but we feel it's the right thing for us, at this point in our lives.  Additionally, if we lived close to The Pink Ribbon Shop, Danny would be able to come home periodically during the day, if I needed him to.  Or just to check on me.  And his commute wouldn't be as long, which is obviously never a bad thing. So, he has begun preparing our home for sale, making repairs that have been put off, cleaning up like never before, etc.  (who knew pressure washing could yield such amazing results!?)  Meanwhile, I am obsessively and frequently checking the online listings because, that's just how I am once I put to mind to something.  Some might say I'm ... psycho?  But I prefer to call it determined.  Driven.  Yea, that's it.  :)

You know how when you're buying a home, no house is perfect? Well ours is darn near perfect for us, and we are actually mourning leaving our beautiful, private yard and deck behind.  It has served us well.  But what we did "sacrifice," if you want to call it that, is location.  Ten years ago, when we first moved to Texas, we had to expand our search geographically to get the home we wanted.  This time, it's all about location.  We are looking at older and potentially smaller homes to accomplish this.  Again, it's just the right thing for us right now.  Thankfully we have accumulated some equity in our home which will help us make the move without changing our mortgage payment.  Or maybe even lessening it!

Well, I will stop for now.  Saving some discussions for a later post. Thanks for reading.

Miracles and Potholes

I'm going to go ahead and say it.  I am a living, breathing miracle!  My new chemotherapy regimen of Carboplatin and Gemcitabine has knocked my cancer OUT!  Over the last six weeks, I have continued to improve in so many ways.  I know it sounds cliché, but I was on the brink of death.  I felt it.  I knew it.  My doctor and nurses knew it.  My body was failing and nothing seemed to be stopping it.  Danny had talks with the kids of how "Mom's not going to be with us much longer," with them responding "I know."  I've made an unbelievable transformation that we can only attribute to the God of our universe graciously granting me more life than any of us expected I would have.

My tumor marker level has continued to come down.  It has yet to reach the "normal" range, but since it peaked a few months back, it's been lower with each successive draw.  I rarely cough now, whereas before, with my massive pleural effusion, I had an aggravating, almost constant cough.  I'm not running a low-grade fever.  My heart rate is no longer in the 110-115 range.  I no longer need 11-12 hours of night sleep plus a 2-hour nap every day.  No pain meds required.  No anti-nausea meds required, either.  Most importantly, I am feeling more alive than I have in a very long time!

I'm no longer stuck in the house and in my "spot" on the sofa due to fatigue and weakness.  I'm able to drive myself places.  I'm able to drive the kids places, an act that my previously (relatively) healthy self used to complain about.  And, I can eat!  This is something about which I've blogged extensively.  Eating is such an integral part of human life ... both physically and socially.  Necessary for life, for sure, but also pleasurable.  In my family, every occasion is marked with a get-together that includes great food.  Heck, sometimes there is no occasion ... the occasion is the meal!  Can you say crawfish boil, fish fry, and big pot'o'gumbo?  What can I say, I love to eat!  Everything is tasting so good.  I've even gained some weight back.  Another activity that I really missed over the last few months is cooking.  So glad to be back at that, too.  Nothing major, and I do still get a lot of help, but I so enjoy planning meals and providing for the family.

All of these improvements have been gradual, but there was a definite time, very shortly after I started on Carboplatin and Gemcitabine, that I felt things turn around.  It's been amazing!!!  I'm so happy to again be an active participant of the family again.  Firstly, it's really difficult to depend on others to such an extent that we've had to.  The meals, the kid-driving, and Kim-driving that others have provided have all been such a blessing.  And secondly, it's hard to be present but not totally there.  Yes, I could still talk, and I was very interested in the kids' activities, but being so sick, I wasn't myself and really wasn't much help to anyone.  I was a burden!!!  I still am, to some extent.  But I like to be more involved than I've been able to be.  Filling out school paperwork, helping with college planning, working out transportation arrangements for all the kids' activities, paying bills ... and especially attending the kids games and performances.  These are things you take for granted and even complain about when you are able to do them.  You ladies know how much work it is to just be a mom!  Well, I'm happy to be a mom again.  And this week, I was able to see my daughter, Christa, graduate from Kingwood High School.  Woohoo!

SO MANY BLESSINGS!

It's been a bumpy road, though.  Two weeks ago, Dr. C informed me that one of the chemo drugs had caused a decrease in my body's magnesium level.  It's one of the common side effects of one of the drugs.  A low magnesium can interfere with the nervous system in some way (I didn't catch or care about the details,) and evidently this needs to be corrected right away, or else, something...  So she recommended that I take a magnesium supplement.  Fine, no problem!  Oh and I would need to receive an IV infusion of magnesium with every administration of chemotherapy.  What she didn't tell me was that magnesium is a 2-hour infusion, and if the value drops even lower, I'm in for a 4-hour infusion.  It is NOT fun sitting in a recliner for hours and hours every week!  First the premeds, then the chemo, then the magnesium.  So many bags.  So much tubing.  It is even less fun for the person who accompanies me to these infusions (Danny,) who has to sit in a non-recliner chair.

Last week, my red blood cell counts were dangerously low and not only could I not receive my chemo because of it, I was told I needed a blood transfusion.  Uggh!  I was like, whoa, wait just a minute now!  I don't think so!  Don't they have medication for that??  Fifteen years ago (yes, 15!) when I was first diagnosed with breast cancer, I was given injections of a drug called Epogen to help boost the red blood cells.  I recall it working well.  And right now, I regularly receive Neulasta injections to boost my white blood cells.  So Danny and I were both somewhat shocked that they were now telling me I needed to get blood.  Wasn't that just for very sick people?  I mean, really... I wasn't feeling that bad.

I had actually told Danny a few days prior that I could tell that I must be low.  Although much, much improved from my near-deathbed levels of fatigue, I was getting out of breath with little activity.  I had to curb my walking pace to a crawl to avoid getting winded.  But... blood transfusion?  I expressed to the chemo nurse my misgivings.  She said that the APN would come and talk to me about it.  That sounded great, because both Danny and I needed convincing.

Alicia explained that with each successive chemo cycle, my blood counts were getting lower.  They would bounce back some, but each recovery level was lower than the previous one.  My bone marrow was having difficulty keeping up after the repeated chemical attacks.  They recommended a blood transfusion, two units, to bring the levels up to a healthy level, so that I could continue to get the chemotherapy.  I communicated with her that I didn't feel that bad.  She said that if I was already symptomatic, they surely didn't want me to get any worse.  And it would be better to get lower, yet more regular (weekly) doses of chemo  than have to periodically skip a week due to the low counts.  This all made sense to us, and we agreed to the transfusion.  On top of my cancer treatment world crashing down on me, today we are dealing with an angry teenager who is communication-challenged regarding her after school plans, and she doesn't drive!  Arrrgh!  Our solution:  call in my mom to come and help!

It was just so overwhelming.  I needed magnesium again (at least a 2-hour infusion,) and the blood transfusion would take at least 6 hours.  This was a Monday.  We planned on me getting the magnesium that day, and the blood the next.  Then try for the chemo on Friday, assuming that my counts would be adequate after getting blood.  We had to make arrangements to get the kids from school and to their respective activities.  And this would be 3 days of missed work in one week for Danny.  Thankfully my mom flew in and planned to take me to the two remaining appointments of the week.

The transfusion went well.  It was a very long day in a hospital bed!  My mom and I were there for about 9 hours.  By the time you check in, get escorted to a room, have your port accessed, blah, blah, blah ... whew!  What a day.  We had a good time, considering the circumstances.  We brought snacks:  a bag of pretzels and a jar of cookie butter.  What?  Never heard of cookie butter?  You don't know what you're missing!  OMG it's delicious.  I bought it from HEB after the nice HEB lady was offering samples while making cookie butter pie in the store.  I'm a sucker for free food samples in the grocery store.  After tasting it, of course I had to buy it.  It's a jar filled with crushed spiced cookie creamy goodness.  Trust me.

Uhhh, where was I?  Oh yes, the transfusion.  We were well taken care of and everyone there (St. Luke's Lakeside Hospital) was super nice.  In the following few days, my shortness of breath simply disappeared!  Yet another instance of "I didn't know how bad I was feeling until it improved."  Interestingly, we parked in the same little parking lot as the MD Anderson blood bank bus.  They were having a blood drive!  I was there to receive blood, and they were there to collect it.  If you ever have the opportunity to give blood, please do!  It helps people like me.

Friday came, and my mom and I headed to MD Anderson for my rescheduled chemo treatment.  I had my labs first, as usual.  Unfortunately, the nurse met with us in the waiting room to inform me that again, I wouldn't be receiving my infusion that day.  This time, my platelets were too low!  Ahhhhh!  Another week off.

Sighhh... It's as if I'm taking one step forward and two steps backward.  So much progress, yet so many obstacles!  I'm concerned with the big picture.  Here I have a treatment that is working phenomenally on my cancer, and yet its dangerous side effects may eventually lead to the need to discontinue it.  I can't keep having to postpone treatment.  Clearly, how can it keep working effectively if I can't get it regularly??  It's worrisome.

This week was my CT scan of the chest, abdomen and pelvis.  I did not expect BAD results, because overall I am feeling so well.  Nevertheless, it is stressful.  The cancer cloud is always looming above me.  Per our usual routine, we checked in to the CT department, was given my contrast-laced lemonade and I informed the nurse that I was going to the Infusion Therapy department to have my port accessed.  I've been doing this for a while now, because I found that when they inject the contrast media into a peripheral vein (such as in the arm,) it burns.  It doesn't burn when it's injected into the power port, which has a direct connection with my internal jugular vein.  The CT department nurse said "We can access your port here."  This was new, but it's more patient-friendly to do it there than having us walk across the building and to another floor.  So, I agreed to it.  Big mistake!

It was clear early on that the nurse who was to access my port (in case you don't know, it involves sticking a special needle device into the port which is implanted under the skin in my chest,) was not experienced in accessing ports.  In fact, she appeared to be inexperienced in opening the package and setting up the sterile field.  Red flag ... but you think, well, she's just being cautious.  Surely she has done this before.  Right?  Right?  She sticks me, but is unable to get a blood return and she is unable to flush the line with saline.  This, of course, is paramount to the port working properly.  I say, "I'll just go to the 8th floor (Infusion Therapy.)"  She removes the needle, and tells me "I can get another nurse to try."  That was my ticket outta there, but noooo, I say "OK."  Why?  Why would I do that??  The second nurse arrives, and proceeds to display an extremely slow and deliberate set-up, similar to the first nurse.  Against my better judgment, I allow her to continue.  However, she does successfully access my port, as evidenced by blood return (getting blood when you pull back on the syringe) and the ability to flush with saline.  She tapes it up, abundantly, I might add, but then it no longer works.  No blood return, can't flush.  I am really getting upset now.  Tears are welling.  She untapes it all, fiddles with the needle, keeps trying, using (too) much force on the syringe's plunger.  Finally, I stop her.  This is enough.  I tell her that I'm going to Infusion.  Just take it out.  She does, but now the skin surrounding my port is red and irritated, caused by the repeated application and removal of adhesives.  First the tegaderm which held the topical anesthetic in place, then the adhesive-ringed hole of the sterile "drape," then the port access kit's dressing.  Repeat times three, and by the end of the day there is even a small area of broken skin!  Even today, almost a week later, my skin is still damaged (yet healing.)

Meanwhile, Danny was in the waiting room, where he was worried about me because I'd been gone for much longer than I should have been.  He had received a call from my 12 year-old son-- David was sick and wanted to be picked up from school.  Danny called his Dad to work this out.  Later, the school nurse also called.  And, my daughter texted us because she, too, had a situation.  It was letterman jacket fitting day, and she didn't have a check.  It was piling on!  I came out into the waiting room, fresh from my traumatic and unsuccessful port access experience.  It was then that I broke down and cried!  I was seeing the big picture.  If my port doesn't work, I cannot get chemo.  Or blood.  This treatment that is literally saving my life can only be infused through a central venous access port.  This port has been working for over 2 1/2 years.  It required an outpatient surgery to "install."  I really don't want to have to have it replaced.

Why now does it not work??  I wonder if they didn't flush it properly after the blood transfusion.  We head to infusion and wait what seems like forever.  I am finally called in.  I am praying that they can access the port.  It is only in retrospect that I fully recognize what went wrong in the CT department.  That, and after going to Infusion Therapy and having a VERY experienced nurse access my port quickly and with ease.  Success!  Her kind demeanor eased my worried mind and she assured me that the port was working fine.  Danny's fervent prayers from the waiting room were answered!!! The nurse advised me to go to Infusion Therapy FIRST, next time.  Don't you worry, Nurse You-Are-The-Bomb, don't you worry!

I was scheduled to see Dr. C six days later.  I usually have an appointment with her after any scans are done, so we can discuss the results.  However, the day following the CT scan, as I was driving home with my daughter in the car with me, my cell phone rang.  It was MD Anderson.  No matter who or what department calls me from there, the caller ID says the same number.  So I always know it's MDA, just not whom in particular is calling.  Of course I answer, and we are on speaker phone in my much-loved, high-tech mini SpUV.  (That's right, I call it a SpUV.  Sport Utility Vehicle)  "Mrs. Hellmers?"  "Yes?"  "It's Dr. Coscio."  I don't remember what I said, but what I am immediately thinking is oh-my-gosh, WHY is Dr. Coscio calling me?  She said that she didn't want me to have to wait all the holiday weekend to get this news:  the fluid in my lung is greatly decreased, and it's the best it's looked in a very long time.  I SO NEEDED THIS!  The CT hadn't yet been officially read by the radiologist, but Dr. C could see the improvement herself.  After the call ended, Bethany and I could only look at each other and smile!  HAPPY WEEKEND TO ME!

Today we met with the doctor to go over the CT results in greater detail.  She handed me the report and proceeded to pull up the scan (digital films) on the computer in the exam room.  She showed us a side-by-side comparison of last week's CT and the one from three months ago.  The difference was amazing!  There was no visible fluid in the left lung.  And, that lung had re-expanded from its previously collapsed condition.  It looked much like the right lung, instead of being a small fraction of its size.  The radiologist's report noted that the left-sided pleural effusion had "resolved," and phrases such as "improved" and "significant improvement" were used more than once.  There were examples given of nodules (tumors) in the chest, liver, and right lung decreasing in size, with specific measurements documented.  Objective evidence of major improvement, on top of me feeling good!  Wow ... just, wow!

 



Family pic @ Christa's graduation



Me & my graduate girl

Bethany & Me, awaiting the ceremony




Mother's Day



Me & my mom during her last visit here

After 15 years of cancer treatment, this is the first time I've taken a picture while getting chemo.  Somehow, oddly, I found it impressive that I was getting 6 different bags of drugs, the most ever at one time.  Hey, whatever it takes, right? 

 

 

Hope

I keep a collection of Bible verses saved as photos on my iPhone, for when I need some reassurance from God straight from His word.  I don't read the Bible much (my bad) but I like having quick and easy access to verses that apply to what I'm going through.  Recently, while lying in bed and restlessly trying to go to sleep for the night, the first one I flipped to when I was feeling particularly low was Philippians 4:6:  Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  I realized that in my state of depressive self-pity, I wasn't even praying any more!  And I definitely wasn't being thankful for all I've been given and continue to receive.  It was a wake-up call, and yet it provided me with quite a peaceful night's sleep that night.

Then there's this one, Isaiah 48:10:  See, I have refined you, though not as silver;  I have tested you in the furnace of affliction.  Unfortunately, I can relate all too well to being tested in the furnace of affliction.  Nothing says furnace of affliction more than cancer, especially in my last few months.  The verse speaks to me, but also brings me to prayer:  Lord, please take me out of this furnace of affliction!

I mentioned previously that my coughing had improved slightly.  This has continued!  At my last visit with Dr. C (during my one week "off" between three-week chemo cycles,) she informed me that my liver enzymes, which had been extremely elevated and rising, had fallen dramatically.  My tumor marker was down some ... not much, but a decrease definitely beats its previous upward trajectory!  And, the chest x-ray done the following week showed less fluid than the previous study.  These were all very, very positive signs, and she was pleased!  However, I was feeling rather tired and was still having issues with appetite and weight loss, and now constipation to boot.  I was quite anemic and my platelets were dangerously low, a direct result of the chemotherapy attacking my bone marrow.  She explained that mine was probably a little slower to recover because it had been assaulted for so long and in so many ways.  She predicted that the platelets would not be sufficiently recovered by my next chemo cycle scheduled for the following week, and that I should take an additional week "off."  Two weeks off instead of one.  This turned out to be a Godsend!  I enjoyed being able to eat more during the extra time, and I was getting some energy back.

Honestly, I dreaded going back for that next cycle!  But objectively there were definite improvements that could only be attributed to this new chemo regimen (Carboplatin & Gemcitibine.)  So I pressed on to my 2nd cycle with renewed hope that this upturn would last.

This time, I was given two new anti-nausea medications to control the nausea & vomiting I experienced with my first cycle.  These were given at the same time as the chemo was administered and were to have "long-acting" qualities.  The result:  very little nausea, and no vomiting!  Victory!

The only recent hiccup was a bout of severe constipation.  And I do mean severe.  Nothing makes you more committed to drinking more and eating more fiber than constipation complicated by a fecal impaction.  Ok, enough said there.

Beginning a few days ago, I am feeling alive again!  I am able to eat mostly everything I want but am still dealing with some esophageal issues related to intake of non-soft foods, and also with some food aversions such as milk, meat and chicken.  I have not needed nausea meds.  I have more energy than I've had in a long time, and I've been able to increase my activity level a little.  I have even driven myself to a few places!  I'm calling it a miracle.  Yet another "God isn't finished with me yet" moment.  I'll be honest here.  I'm pretty sure I was dying.  I don't feel like that any more.  :)