Get Outta the Way

Heather,

Thank you so much for sharing this story with us. Your mother is very courageous and brave. She is a role model for all of us.

Amy

I am 5’4 and always considered myself a tomboy, trying to keep up with my much taller, older brother. I started my period very early, so it wasn’t long before I started developing breasts as well. It was so frustrating - they just kept growing, doubling in size seemingly overnight. When I would get dressed for third grade - I would cup my hands over them and pull them to the side, sighing, “if only you’d just get outta the way.” Sure, both my sister and I were made fun of for developing before other girls - our brother and his friends tormented us mercilessly. But, shopping for our “training” bras was the worst - there weren’t large enough cup sizes in that section. So, we had to find something in the ladies department. It was too late - there would be no “training” involved.
Through my teenage years, I attained kind of a love-hate relationship with them. I still felt like they were in the way, but had to admit that they filled out a shirt rather nicely. On occasion, I would still push them to the side and mumble under my breath, “if only you’d just get outta the way.”
The first time I had ever heard of breast cancer is when I was quite young. My mother’s Uncle had a mastectomy to remove first one breast and then the other, but he died anyway in the mid-1970s. In my early 20s, my mom and I can created a new sort of bond, with me as her caretaker after she sustained a brain injury and had to regain her independence. We were together day and night and talked about everything under the sun, repeatedly, because she didn’t have the ability anymore to remember beyond a few minutes or hours. With this new closeness and intimacy because I was responsible for bathing and dressing her - we may have talked about body image, but I really don’t remember.
A few years later, the dreaded “C” word of my mom’s generation reared it’s ugly head in our lives. She had regained sufficient independence to live on her own and was responsible for getting herself to her own doctor’s appointments at that point in her life. So, she was by herself when she was told after her annual exam that she had breast cancer. In her typical self-reliant manner, she didn’t tell any of us. I used my key and came to visit her at her house one day when she wasn’t expecting me. I found her in her bedroom, undressed from the waist up, with her well-worn hands cupping her breasts. Her head was bowed, as though to whisper to them and I heard her say, “you WILL get outta my way.” Shocked that she knew my secret wish from my childhood, I felt comfortable asking her why she was saying that to her own body. She shared that she was sick, but that her breasts weren’t going to stand in the way of her growing older.
She fought and won that battle with stage IIIC breast cancer and her breasts did end up getting out of the way. She decided that her body, although sick, was willing to listen to her. So, she developed a “get outta the way” attitude in other aspects of her life. A hill in the middle of a breast cancer awareness walk - “that hill isn’t going to get outta the way - I am going to beat it too.“ She trudged forward. A concerned daughter or doctor telling her to limit her activities, “get outta my way, I’ve got lots more living to do.” And she has, this is year six of her Surviving, Overcoming and Winning against breast cancer.
So, for me - she serves as a role model and inspiration. She is a little older, a lot wiser and has a new and unique way of doing things. She grocery shops by pink label, making meals out of strange combinations of foods bearing the pink ribbon. Most of her exercise is about getting ready for Walk for the Cure, Awareness or Relay and her vacation destinations are to join walks in other cities. Her wardrobe mainly consists of t-shirts from these events and comfortable shoes for going the distance. And she does… so obstacles be warned, “Get Outta The Way!”
Heather

Big week next week!

It's been a long 3 months waiting for my next round of tests/scans! Next week, I will spend 3 days at MD Anderson. Monday, I'll have my femur issues re-evaluated with a repeat MRI and plain x-ray, then I'll see my orthopedist to get the results and his recommendations for me and my activity level. Tuesday, I'll have my usual slew of tests: bloodwork, bone scan, chest x-ray, and CT of chest, abdomen and pelvis. Thursday I will see Dr. Green to get the results of Tuesday's tests, then I will have my "treatment" (Zometa infusion and Zolodex injection.) Whew!

It turns out that the recent development of stress fracture vs. progression of bone metastasis of/on my left femur has affected me the most since I was first diagnosed with Stage IV cancer in 2006. It took me a while to really GET IT, that I had to SLOW DOWN, and NOT DO ANYTHING that would put any strain on my leg. Okay, no running. I got that right away. So I joined the Y, hoping to take up swimming, planning to get some workouts in doing anything but running. I treadmilled, walking, and regretted it the next day. I went through an orientation on the weight machines. Low weight, not many reps, easy day, but I felt it the next day -- oops, did too much. Surely I could attend my weekly dance class, which is mostly stretching and strengthening exercises. For a few weeks, I did attend and tried to "take it easy" on my left leg. Yet I still had some mild discomfort 1-2 days later. Recently I walked, evidently too briskly, the 2 blocks to my kids' school for a meeting ... and felt it the next day. Finally, in a big DUH realization, I stopped doing any kind of workout (even took a few weeks off from dance class) and I started feeling better, leg-wise. Of course now I'm not fitting into my cute clothes and have gained 5+ pounds ... ugggh!

I've begun dance class again, yet still taking it very very slow. I just this week took a deep water exercise class (that kicked my butt, by the way) and had no problem with my leg afterward. So I think it's showing improvement overall. I am anxiously awaiting the test results of next week. Want to see nothing "light up" the bone scan on my left femur. Want to see a DECREASE in size of the previously enlarged lymph nodes in my chest and the left lung nodule. Want to see the tumor marker levels go DOWN. Don't want to see any more progression of this disease!

If you are reading this, you are obviously at least a little interested in my story. Please say a prayer for me. I would appreciate it. Thanks!

My mom and sister are coming to visit this weekend, and my daughter's 13th birthday party is this weekend. Must stay busy!

My mother is a survivor!

Andrea,

What a blessing that your mom is doing so well. To have a baby after all of her health issues is a true miracle. What a gift to have a close relationship with your mom. May she have many more years as a survivor.

Amy

My name is Andrea I'm 18 years old ! In 2005 i was in school and couldn't wait to get out because i thought my life was perfect and nothing could go wrong.Well i come out of school and i get into my mother's car and my mother and older sister had on sunglasses and i laughed at them and said they were weird,Come to find out they had sunglasses on ,on a rainy day because that had been crying but i still had no idea why my mom didn't tell me.We got home and everyone was acting weird and sad and i just wanted to know what was going on my mom didn't even cook dinner that night.She wanted to head over to my aunts house to visit so my brother,sister,and I loaded up in the car and went to my mother's sister's house!I went upstairs after we got there to visit with my older cousin we were upstairs chatting i came down stairs to find my aunt sister,and mother alson my aunts few children were crying.So i asked my mom once again what is the matter and she said "I HAVE CANCER".The first thing that came to my head was My mom is gonna die I cried my eyes out that night i asked my mom a million questions she said I'm not going to die i just have to get surgery ,My mom had everyone in our town that we were well acquainted ith preying for her and our family .That was one of the worse days of my life.She only had cancer in on of her breast and the doctor she went to where we live in zanesville ohio said they had got the cancer out after .My mom thought she should go and get a second opinion so she went to ohio state medical center where she came to find out that the cancer had sperd to her second breast she was devastated along with my family.About a week later she went to get her double masectomy my self along with my sister and little brother were very scared especially my little brother because he was so much younger than any of us.We went to columbus with my mom the day of her surgery with our grandparents we (the kids) were dropped off at an aunts house who lived in columbus so that we could stay there while mom ! was in t he hospital getting surgery .The day of surgery after she was in recovery for four hours we waiting around to see her then came to find out we couldn't go in because we were too young we all were very sad and just wanted to see our mother it was such a hard time for all of us.My mo had these tubs connected to her that leaked out blood and i always emtyed them and wrote down how much blood was in them because it was required. My mom had few check ups after the double masectomy and she had to go through chemo for some weeks she was always sick and she started to lose all the hair on her she would just lay in bed at night and comb her hair and it would all just come out.To this day my mom had her hair in a plastic zip lock bag for memories.She would get these dark circles under her eyes and you could tell she was sick .I really realized how much my mother meant to me after the cancer and all the chemo treatments so i knew i had to do what ever it took too keep my mother happy and off of her feet i did anything she asked for because i was appreciative that i still had someone to call mom or mommie:)My mother is a 5 year breast cancer survivor she is a strong woman she even recently had a beautiful baby girl even though she is 40 years old but we didn't even think it was possible but we are glad she is here.I'm just so happy that my mom fought the battle .For anyone who is going through this my words to you is that you should be strong and always think positive.My mother and i went and got breat cancer ribbon tattoos her's is on her wrist and says survivor and mine says hope!I will support breast cancer until the day i die (I LOVE YOU MOM)♥

Have faith...



Leslie,

Your mom sounds like an amazing woman. She's a great example of perserverance and faith. God is using her for good.

Amy

When I found out that my mother had breast cancer I broke down completely. I didn't know what to think or what to do. I never thought that my mother would ever have breast cancer. My mother is my best friend and I love her with all my heart. I have realized throughout all of this that my mother is a SURVIVOR she is so STRONG and has been the strongest person through out of all this. My mother, it’s so difficult to describe this beautiful person I cannot find the words, but she is truly a gift. I don’t want to question god on why she had to have breast cancer because I know why, he is using her as an instrument. I feel that god did this for a reason, first reason being, for my family to grow stronger together, he wants to show us that at even the most difficult times in our lives we can overcome it together, and because he knows my mother is a fighter, and can show others that they to can be fighters. My mom has always had a GREAT sense of humor and she still has a great sense of humor!!! That keeps me strong and that lets me know that everything is going to be ok. I just want to say one more thing, tonight I talked to my mom and I started crying on the phone and I told her I was scared, and she said, “ Leslie don’t be scared because your doubting the lord, just have FAITH and everything will be ok”. All of sudden a sense of relief rushed over me and I realized if my mom can be strong about this then so can I. So remember, FIGHT, SURVIVE, and most importantly have FAITH!

Leslie

Finding purpose...

Eleanor finds purpose in being diagnosed with breast cancer. You can be treated and come out on the other side a survivor. You are an inspiration to so many. Thank you for sharing your story.

Amy

I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer in Sept. 2002. The night after my annual mammogram was when I felt the lump. I found the lump on a Monday night and that Friday I had a needle biopsy. The needle biopsy results were negative, but my surgeon suggest that he remove the lump. When he removed the lump the results came back positive for breast cancer. I had 6 cycles of chemo and 6 weeks of radiation therapy. I lost all my hair from the chemo which was very heart breaking. But by the grace of God all my hair is back and I have a clean bill of health. I know that God has a purpose for me here on earth. My purpose it to let other women that have had breast cancer or have breast cancer that you can survive. Breast Cancer does not have to be the end of your life. The Doctor may heal cancer but only God can cure cancer. If you have faith to Believe that God can heal you, you will be healed. I know that I was healed only through the Grace and Mercy of God.



Eleanor
Suitland, Maryland

Breast Cancer & Aspirin ... and reading my radiology reports

A recent study showed that breast cancer survivors who took an aspirin a day had a lower chance of recurrence, and a lower risk of dying from breast cancer. Here's a link to the study: http://jco.ascopubs.org/cgi/content/abstract/JCO.2009.22.7918v1. The results were so significant that I've bought some baby aspirin and have taken the first of my daily doses. It may sound silly to some, but if there's something as harmless as aspirin that may be helpful in my situation, there's no reason why I shouldn't take it. I've seen some comments on Facebook from people who say that it may just provide a false sense of prevention. But no one's saying that about all the other treatments out there. I've had a mastectomy, chemotherapy, radiation, and Tamoxifen and my cancer still came back. Does that mean that since none of those things cured my cancer forever that I should discount them? No! Reminder: There is no cure for cancer, people! If 100's of women received some sort of cancer preventative effects from taking an aspirin a day, count me in!

In a previous post, I recounted the latest issues with my Stage IV recurrence ("Update on Kim," January 17, 2010.") Usually I request copies of my results (labs, radiology reports, etc.,) but this time, I didn't for some reason. A week or so later, I logged in to mymdanderson, a system where patients can view their health records, get information on their diagnosis, review billing issues, etc. I noticed that my recent CT scans, bone scan, and labs were available for viewing. I viewed. Let's just say I was even more shocked reading them than hearing Dr. Green explain them. The reports sounded MUCH WORSE than what Dr. Green told us. Dr. Green had said that "one" lymph node in my chest had grown; the report used words like "multiple," "progressive metastasis," and "significantly increased." When I told Danny of this, he said "No, she didn't say that it was just one." Perhaps she had described several, but clearly, my mind had stopped processing after the first. It's so good to have someone else there with you when you go to the doctor's office! It's necessary.

Also, Dr. Green said that my tumor marker (CA 27-29) was within the normal range (0-38,) so that was good. She was right that it was in the normal range -- it was 18. BUT, in looking back at (well, studying) all of my previous CA 27-29's, it actually is a little elevated. At my first visit to MD Anderson in 2006, it was 70-something. A month later, 50-something. Three months later, 37. All since then have been below 12! So since early 2007, my level has been holding steady at less than 12. Now it's 18. Very disconcerting, but I keep telling myself that I'm being treated at the best place in the world. Surely my doctor, the head of the breast medical oncology department knows what she's doing! And I am not being sarcastic. Settle down, self! It's just hard, when faced with all of these facts.

April, when my next scans and labs are scheduled, cannot come soon enough! Oh, the worry. Deep breaths, prayer, deep breaths, prayer.

A husband's love...

Frank,

What a unique perspective Frank. You are a survivor too. I believe that cancer can impact our caregivers sometimes more than ourselves. Thank you for the encouragement that you are providing to all of us.

Amy

Hi my name is Frank, I consider myself a cancer survivor because my wife passed away from Breast Cancer in 2007 after a long 3 yr battle. Every test, needle, treatment, surgery`s, and everything in between i`ve been thru with her. It`s been 2 1/2 yrs now since her passing and it`s been the biggest struggle of my life. We were married for 16 yrs. She wasn`t able to have children, So it`s just me to deal with all the pain. I MISS her dearly. I am a survivor of cancer because i haven`t let it destroy my life. I want to thank you for allowing me to write this. When i`m involved with anything that has to do with cancer, I feel i have a lot to give. I feel each and everyone`s feelings of where their at with fighting their cancer. From the day at the Doctor`s office when they told her she had stage 4 cancer, till the day she passed, I felt every pain and every feeling she had. We were close and I Never want to feel that pain again. God Bless each and everyone with any type of cancer. I know it`s beatable, I`ve seen it in others. So Please don`t ever give up. Because deep in my heart, I feel my wife did give up that last year she was alive. She was in so much pain, she just couldn`t take it anymore. She wanted to go home with the Lord and get rid of all that pain. I know she`s in a better place now. I talk to her all the time. She tells me this thats how i know. God bless you all and Keep up the fight. You CAN beat it. Thank You Frank

There is hope...keep your faith and love your life!

Amanda,

What a blessing to have your grandmother in your life. She sounds like such a fighter. She gives us all inspiration to fight through our own battles in life. I hope you are able to create many more memories with her.

Amy

Hello my name is Amanda and my Grandmother, Agnes, is truly amazing. She is definitely one of a kind. She is nothing short of a hero in my eyes. Sadly she has had breast cancer ever since I can remember. She has gone through treatments to help her throughout the years. It has been a bumpy road for her however I have never once heard her complain. She lives life as if tomorrow is another day. She always surrounds herself with family which is the best medicine for anything! Unfortunately throughout the years the cancer went into her bones. She got a little weak and wasn’t as strong when she got up to walk but again didn’t stop her from living and loving her life. About three years ago she was admitted into the hospital because she ended up getting sepsis from her immune system being low (for all of you who don’t know this is when bacteria get into your blood stream. The amount of people who pull through sepsis is very low.) She was in the hospital for three months but I can happily say she pulled through it! It was a miracle. Like I said when you have family and faith anything can happen. When I look back it seems like it was one thing after another for her yet she always pulled through. She actually inspired me in my own life to fight through some of my battles. When things get tough I just think about what she has been through and how she fought through it. My words to anyone fighting this battle with breast cancer is, I know it is tough but never give up and always fight through it. Surround yourself with the people that love you and have a little faith. To put my story in perspective I am almost 25 years old. My grandmother is 67 years old and I am truly happy to have her around. I gave birth to my son November 18th of 2008. She was so happy to be able to help birth him and told me it was the highlight of her life! Without faith none of this could have been possible. There is hope you just have to keep your faith and keep love in your life.

Amanda

A Heroine for Young Eyes

Thank you Colleen for sharing this story about a woman you looked up to and admired. This story is so beautifully written.

Amy

A Heroine for Young Eyes
By Colleen

I can't remember how my mother became friends with Deanne. Our family was from a very rural area in southern Ohio and we would always pass her farm when we were going to town for groceries. Our homestead, as I like to call it, was where I learned that work, especially work done for the joyous benefit of my mother, was the equivalent of gold. To both my brother and I it would come to mean fast money and an extra night out while in high school, but when we were young, all we wanted was the
reward of going to Deanne's house to see her abnormal edition to the community--her buffalo. She was, the only woman within 600 miles who owned the environmentally and culturally estranged creatures. Rural Ohio being what it is--hilly, but yet dryly uneventful, buffalo were to me as an unexpected paycheck is to me now.

Deanne was tall blonde with a long chin and a wide set grin--of which she didn't often show all of her teeth through unless she was tossing her head back in a fit of laughter. Strangely, that same tugging grin remained stable and unwavering in the afternoon summer sunshine when she'd hire me out to clean her house and listen to the Soft Rock station Warm 98.5 out of Cincinnati.

Her husband had gone, along with the buffalo. The house had quickly become more than what she could keep up with. The chemotherapy for her stage rising breast cancer was also to blame.

My mom was the kind of woman that would answer any of my questions. Periods, birthing, boys, “manhood,” tampons, why to ALWAYS knock before coming in her and daddy’s bedroom…the works. But mom never told me much about Deanne's treatments, how she was feeling or if she was able to feel at all. I would just go over to her house when she wanted me—for cleaning, for her sun dried iced tea and to walk through the tall white barn with a surreal vision of bison standing outside its corners. This
woman, this serge of joy, was a light of a whole other dimension in both mine and my brother’s life. That dimension was a dimension of comedy, of jokes and bear hugs and everything that encompassed her.

Deanne came to visit us one day in our home. She came with only one
breast, not the normal two.I remember being so taken back, shocked and embarrassed. My young mind thought how can she stand to see herself so exposed? I tried not to
stare. There she sat in front of my family, forgetting that a piece of her was missing—as a petal, plucked and stolen away. There in our home…in front of my family she sat.

But she didn’t just sit. She was Deanne. She jokingly smacked her leg and threatened my brother’s bad health if he drank too much Mt. Dew. She was her. Fervent in light and life and more of a woman to me than any other I have seen, she was holding more dignity in a one breasted body than some people will with implants. She was the essence of heroine not through glitz, glamour or fame but through the love she was sharing and the light she saw in herself and was transferring to my family.

Since then my materialistic thriving culture has tried to replace my idea of heroine. They never will succeed. It took a woman to understand her own beauty to help me also appreciate mine.

Update from Kim

Shortly before Christmas, a friend in my cancer group lost her battle with breast cancer. She was 36, with a husband and two young boys.

Around the same time, a good friend (37 years old who used to work at The Pink Ribbon Shop) discovered a lump that was found to be invasive ductal carcinoma. Pathology showed it to be "triple negative," and she subsequently learned that it had spread to some lymph nodes and that she was BRCA-1 positive. Thankfully she is being seen at MD Anderson. She will start chemotherapy, and also take part in a clinical trial, in a couple of weeks. After chemo, she will start radiation and will eventually have a bilateral mastectomy.

In November, after a 5K run I did with my daughter, I had severe pain in my left hip to where I could hardly bear weight on that side. Of course I worried, since that was the side that I had bone metastasis to the femur. I called my doctor, who said it sounded like inflammation, and told me to take 800mg of ibuprofen, 3 times a day, around the clock for one week. I did, and felt MUCH better! This put my mind at ease ... in 2006, when I was first diagnosed with stage IV cancer, the left leg pain I had wasn't relieved with anything. Clearly, this latest pain was not related to cancer, it was simply related to my pushing myself hard running. Besides, it was my hip and not my femur.

Of course when I could hardly walk, I took some time off of my running. After getting such great results from the ibuprofen, I attempted to slowly ease back into it. But the hip pain continued, off and on, and it sometimes radiated down into the femur. I decided it would be best to completely stop running and see what happened. I would wait for my upcoming test results before resuming my running. For two months, I did no running. I felt fine. I thought that surely whatever inflammatory thing I had going on was now healed up. The week before my 6-month scans, I went for a short run, and the pain in the hip and thigh came back, right away, after that one easy run. It now seemed to be mostly in the thigh and not so much the hip. I was truly worried now. It just didn't seem right.

Still, I am well aware of the fact that I am a worrier. This is normal and understandable for cancer patients! Once you have had cancer, especially stage IV, your mind tends to think that any little ache and pain is the cancer rearing its ugly head again. My husband, Danny, always tells me how much his joints ache in the morning or after not a lot of activity. It's a fact that we are getting older, and these things happen. He tries to comfort me with this, and I try to find a balance between worrying to death about cancer and graciously accepting the changes that come with aging. Dr. Green has explained to me that due to the metastasis to the left femur, it will sometimes ache or hurt, because it's been injured. Like an old sports injury, it will never be as good as new. Additionally, some of my scans and x-rays have showed slight degenerative changes associated with simply growing older.

The other thing I thought of was that Dr. Green had recently changed my Zometa (for the bones) infusion from monthly to every three months. What if that had something to do with this? I had trained in 2008 for the January 09 half-marathon with no problems whatsoever. I was training for the 2010 half-marathon in the same manner, so I was looking for a reason why I was having problems this time around.

The time came for me to have my full day of labs, x-rays, bone scan, and CT scans. The next day was my appointment with Dr. Green to get the test results. I informed Dr. Green's nurse (whom I see for a brief interview before each appointment with the doctor) of the issue and explained as best I could the progression of it all. She asked a lot of questions and took a lot of notes.

Dr. Green came in with her usual chipper self. She began to explain that the bone scan "lit up" on the left femur, just like it did in 2006. Of course, this was not what we wanted to hear! She recommended that I have a plain x-ray of the left femur to investigate it further.

But that wasn't all! She also said that a nodule at the base of my left lung had shown slow growth over the last few CT scans, as had a lymph node deep in my chest. This just blew me away. I guess deep down I was expecting to hear that everything was fine, and I was just having a little leg pain because of running. This was obviously not the case!

Dr. Green recommended that we switch my oral medication from Femara to Aromasin. The Zolodex and Zometa will remain the same. She has always told me that the day would come when the Femara would no longer work. It wasn't a matter of if, it was a matter of when. Cancer is not curable. Already, my 3 1/2 years on Femara had far surpassed the "average time to treatment failure" of 9 months! Ok the 9 months was what I read online, but going 3 1/2 years certainly made me feel good after reading that! Dr. Green has also told us that when a patient responds well to one anti-hormone therapy, they generally respond well to others, of which there are several. So, on to drug #2!! We pray that this one works even longer than 3 1/2 years!